Sexuality beyond the Act

At the occasional moments when sexuality transcends the confines of one of society’s greatest taboos, it is often spoken in the context merely of a physical act. 

Indeed, in an attempt to redeem as much as possible from the realm of the sexual, we have ended up with a conception of sexuality too narrow and uninteresting. As a result, we do many sexual actions  such as dressing provocatively, staying in shape, covertly flirting while at the same time feeling the inner need to deny their sexual character.

In the past few years, analytical as I am, I have been thinking a lot about sexuality. More precisely, I have been pondering what a life looks like that takes the sexual just as seriously as, say, a pursuit of knowledge or beauty. Elevating sex to such a high degree might seem a strange thing to do, but for me such a view has been the result of a rejection of religious norms and an honest introspective look at what it is that makes my life enjoyable. The way I look at it is this: virtually everyone enjoys sex, but few consciously design parts of their life around it.

Consequently, my view of sexuality has broadened up. A deep and careful look into what makes for a good sex has led me to develop or strengthen multiple new interests. Crucially, the act itself, albeit important, has been transformed into a mere culmination of many distinct pursuits — artistic, intellectual, corporal.

In other words, to have the best sex is not just a question of moving bodies. For example, most people (except these who would wish it not were like that) recognize that feelings and emotions form the foundation of the truly amazing sexual experience. The fact that sex in relationships is often preferred by many is not a coincidence. Thus, one of my interests has been precisely the areas of human activity in which emotions are created and studied.

This has led me to developing a nascent interest in many art forms which have previously not excited me at all. For instance, I have become intrigued by acting, seeing the way actors can express and, consequently. feel a greater range of human emotionality. Moreover, it has not escaped my attention how similar improvisation acting and flirting are — both are essentially about coming up with witty responses on the spot with the sole purpose of attracting attention and stoking emotions (whether in a third party, the audience, or person opposite you). What is more, improv seems to basically force the actor to embrace the spontaneity of the moment — a playful quality without which no good sex can happen. (more on that below)

But acting is not the only art that has a clear relation to sexuality. One cannot forget perhaps the most obvious candidate — dancing. Many types of dance are highly erotic in nature and so it’s no wonder that dancers are experts at many elements of high sexual appeal — flexibility, grace, precision of movement. 

In fact, it is in search of these last three qualities that yoga shines bright. And in general, staying at great physical shape is essential to having great sex so every form of exercise will have much to contribute to a sexually-aware life. Of course, different exercises would be good for different reasons — some will make you more beautiful and attractive, others will give you stamina, third will improve your mobility and flexibility while fourth will provide the strength necessary for quite a few poses.

Actually, if one thinks about it for a bit, it’s easy to realize that the desire to look good transcends exercise and is in fact a pursuit of a great overall image. That includes staying healthy, but also wearing (or not wearing 😉) the right clothes. In other words, sexuality, broadly construed, has a lot to learn from study of PR and other image-conscious pursuits.

But good sex doesn’t stop with just giving off the right image. It also includes being able to perceive it as well. Put simply, it’d suck to be sexually-blind to all the beauty around. So, a practice of some form of meditation or mindfulness is certainly worth the effort. Especially when such practice enhances not only one’s attention to beauty and detail, but also improves the ability to stay present, thus experiencing more of sexuality. At the end of the day, the experience of it is all sexuality offers us so we better stay fit to feel it.

Yet, meditation is only one part of perception. There are multiple artistic areas all involving a high degree of attention to detail. I am talking, of course, about photography, drawing, painting, etc. Few things can develop a taste for the beauty of the human body like trying to draw it time after time or looking for the perfect and most appealing photographic pose to capture it in. In some sense, the whole artistic pursuit of beauty also brings a touch of spirituality to sexuality.

At this point, some of you will remember that the Kama Sutra is not just a collection of sex poses, but a manual for achieving pleasure through love and sex altogether. The problem, of course, is that the modern world is different from the one when the Kama Sutra was written. So, there is certainly a need for a modern and updated Kama Sutra 2.0 that reflects the world we live in and what a broad view of sexuality looks like.

In any case, the integration of sex into life seems to have been attempted in the east to a much better result than in the west (hardly surprising, considering the more holistic outlook of eastern philosophies). So, there is certainly a lot to be learned from the ancients on what is probably one of the most pleasurable of human activities.

In conclusion, I am sure that the above hardly covers everything that comprises a sexuality well-developed and embraced. But this post might well be simply the beginning of a journey into this question which I take seriously (and, frankly, prefer to dealing with politics, conflict, etc.) 

What I know, however, is that sexuality requires a sort of playful and spontaneous outlook on life. It ties well with an exploratory and curios mindset too. In that light then, it should hardly be surprising that art and exercise would present areas of such high interest for those who take sexuality more seriously than something one does before sleep. In any case, that’s true for me and I’m willing to find out more…

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  1. Sex and Feelings Today - Young Meets Free January 31, 2018 @ 3:53 AM

    […] the essence of good sex — the emotional connection, the non-indifference, the desire to please. I already suggested that sex for me doesn’t stop with the mere act, but the popular culture today seems to […]

  2. […] I wrote my previous post, Sexuality beyond the Act, I discussed my view that sex is far more than the act itself. In a way, I see sex not as an […]

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