men

Part 1 (not strictly required, but makes for good reading too)

One of the unfortunate consequences of today’s lack of understanding between men and women is the ever-greater shift of the debate towards extreme arguments against the (sometimes willfully) caricatured positions of the other side. 

In the warmness of friendly online forums shielded from any form of criticism, such behavior only serves to polarize. An effect only made worse by the fact that extreme ideas breed contempt for the other side and thus gradually build up an conceptual moat around the whole ideological positions. In simpler terms, it’s equally hard to convince a radical feminist to give the benefit of the doubt to men as it is to make a MGTOW want to marry.

Of course, all of this would have mattered much less if it stayed an isolated phenomenon of the fringes. Unfortunately, extreme ideologies tend to seek both new converts as well as power. At this, feminism has been much more successful, partly because there genuinely used to be discriminatory laws that needed to be fixed. Ambitious women throughout history have rightly seen many injustices and sought to reimagine a more fair and just society. Nonetheless, it’s a delicate line between wanting to fix an injustice and desiring it went the other way. Just like with all humans in general, for every few nice women acting in good faith, there will always one deviating from justice and acting in bad faith instead.

At least from where I sit, not all injustices between men and women have been fixed yet. Unfortunately (or not?), modern feminism has never truly appealed to me as particularly insightful. Both in identifying the real issues and in actually trying to fix them with the appropriate attitude and measures. To be honest, I don’t think modern feminism is ultimately concerned with absolute fairness. And yet, modern feminism can hardly said to be worse than the implicit and rarely intellectualized philosophy some men seem to act out when they treat women as less than autonomous humans. As a result, I am stuck somewhere in the middle, searching for truth and fairness and actively trying to avoid falling prey to either ideology or feelings of resentment. Continue reading Is there Hope for Peace in the Gender Wars, Part 2

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It’s hardly news to anyone: the english speaking world is absolutely polarized along pretty much every single possible axis. And while some of these axes are possible to ignore, others are certainly not. Some questions are simply too important for us to stay quiet on.

In particular, the question of how men and women can best live together and ultimately form successful relationships and societies is inescapable. The truth is, all of us want happiness, love, growth, and sex (as much we’d rather not talk about this last one too openly). But something’s gone terribly wrong between the ways men and women see and talk about the sexual and romantic world.

So, is there hope for understanding each other? Is there any hope for peace? Continue reading Is there Hope for Peace in the Gender Wars

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These days it seems ever more trendy to find novel ways of bashing masculinity. The narrative has been so skewed by ideology that any out-in-the-wild masculine behavior is seen as wrong or misguided. Guys are told to be more caring, less aggressive and more vulnerable. They are told they are toxic and that’s the reason why the world is bad as it is.

Frankly, such patronizing talk is quite annoying. Especially so, when no one on the other side seems to consider that there are good reasons why men behave the way they do.

Incidentally, I am far from ecstatic about the term “masculinity” and its use as a prescription of certain male behaviors. Yet, there are certain patterns one cannot help but recognize among most men, the few exceptions to them notwithstanding.

I wanted to write this post because I have spent years trying to understand what it means to be a man and why certain things appeal to me and others don’t. Throughout this journey, I have seen and heard many opinions about masculinity. Sadly, very few of them rang true. At least to a young guy like me, most things said out there about what being a man means seems at best out of touch and at worst a malicious attack on what is construed as an ideologically problematic group of people.

I want to stress this last word: people. It’s a sign of the times that this needs saying, but: men are people too. In other words, we do make mistakes and our views are not always right. But the same applies for women and everyone in general. To single out the bad without acknowledging the good in a person is not only to be biased and unfair, but to demand perfection in a world which has none.

Before I begin, I want to stress out that I understand the topic naturally involves generalizing statements which I’d prefer not to make. But the term masculinity is itself a sort of generalization  which we as men supposedly all possess. And since that is the language of the accusations leveled against men, that will naturally be mine too (even if I’d much rather deal with separate individuals as opposed to abstract groups)

With that said, let’s talk about men. And what better place to start than the much discussed male sexuality. Continue reading Modern Lies about Masculinity

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